the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
