you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
