walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
