hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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