piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
