Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
