He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
