Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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