She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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