Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
