we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
