how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
