I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
