I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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