Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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