we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's official drugs can't kill me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
