I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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