so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
