did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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