You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
