It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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