When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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