I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
