You can't motorboat a personality
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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