i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
