Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
