i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
