God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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