Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
