I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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