none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
