my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
