I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
