I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
