you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
