Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
