we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
