In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
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I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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