when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
