turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
