he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
