Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
