You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
