There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
