Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize