I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
