She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
