never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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