i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
