She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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