just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
