Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
