It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
