Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize