im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
