meet me or not, i'm out of control
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize