allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
