My first STD was from a foam party
okay pat passed out under dana's car
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
