my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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