Your mouth is God's brothel.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
